"Drowning"

" It stops hurting,

When you get used to pain.

You stop feeling,

'cause there is neither loss nor gain.

You forget to smile,

When nightmares are the only thing you remember.

It's been a while,

I feel like my sky is turning grayer.

Too many words,

And so little courage;

I am much more jealous of the birds,

Who aren't inside the cage.

I want to break free,

But this heart is so scared;

I wonder if I'll ever find glee,

And ever be loved and cared.

It's like I'm drowning in my own emotions,

And just fading away from people.

Call it stress, drama or depression,

But, I know that things are just going to be more awful.  "

- Chocolate Lover

( Blogs at 'A Naive Beneath The Stars'. This isn't a guest post, I am just sharing this over here because it is too beautiful, simply put :] )

XoXo,

Ni.

Sometimes ..

Sometimes I wish it wouldn't have happened at all.

Sometimes I wish there had been nothing to jump for.

Sometimes I wish there had been no first call,

that you and I never got attracted, that we'd never fall.

It's not like I enjoy hurting you.

But I just did what I think I had to.

I'm stuck between not caring & feeling horribly guilty.

I don't know ..

XoXo,

Ni.

She's Dying.

[This was my entry post on Darlings Of Venus (DOV). And we can repost on the weekends, so here it is! :D ]

She's tired of the lies she's heard all of them say,

She's lost, she just cannot find a way.

She's seen them all smiling when she was smiling too,

And then they spoke their mean words, turned their backs

When her life was going off the track..

She learnt the hard way, that nothing and nobody are permanent.

That sometimes life gives you a rude shock,

It calls for your tears, your pain, it drives you insane.

But now she knows who will be there for her, and who all wont.

Now she's aware of the sink holes in her life.

Her mood is down in the trash, in the bin,

She's sick of feeling that way within.

She's this close to giving in.

If you know what to do, help her.

Because she is trying, but she knows she is failing. 

She's broken on the inside, and she is dying!

Ignore the English please! :P

I'd written this when I was 13, 4 years ago. Hope you liked it?

XoXo,

Ni.

Stay.

Would you stay if I ask you to?

Would you care if I tell you I love you?

Don't leave me hanging in here.

Don't leave me at all.

I need you close to me, need you near ..

Miss the train. Pull me close.

Hug me tight. Kiss my nose.

This is like a continuation to my previous poem 'Goodbye'.

XoXo,

Ni.

P.S : My main blog 'Tales of and by her' completes one year on the 1st of July. Drop by sometime :]

I let them have their way with me..

Helpless, I let them have their way with me.. My heart bursts in pain.

My fists are clenched. Trying but I cannot stop them.

Moistening my cheeks, burning me on their way down.

Tears.

XoXo,

Ni.

She Must Be Something!

Get over him.. Let him go.. 

You'll heal, but slow. First, you have got to let him go.
Don't call her a bitch. She must be something,

Coz she's the one he wants to be with!

XoXo,

Ni.

I Give Up.

I've come such a long way.. And I'm giving it all up today.

They said that I wasted time crying on him.
They may be right, they may be wrong.
All I know is I'm no longer that strong,
To take heartbreak over & over again, Coz I'm already going insane.

I don't know why I suddenly feel this way,
But I just am giving it all up today.

I can't keep daydreaming all the time,
Thinking of one day when I'll call you mine.
Because I already have so many things to worry about,
Such a mess, I want to shout!

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this way,
But I am giving it all up today.
I'm just putting all thoughts of you and us, away.

In the start, I dreamt a lot about you.
And I kept wishing all that would come true.
But now that I know it wont,
I'm giving it all up today.

XoXo,

Ni.

Goodbye.

The tear in that eye as you say goodbye, makes me wonder why, why for you do I cry?

Those times we spent together, we spoke such a lot,
Those were the times we teased each other, we had a blast, we also fought.

We were together for such a long time, we expressed everything that we wanted to say,
Then why, why do I feel something is unsaid, today as you go your own way?

Why do I feel so much pain if you mean nothing to me? Why when you turn to walk away, I can't bear to see?
Why is it only today, that I realize how much you mean? What did I see in those eyes today, that I have never before seen?

"Please don't go!" cries my heart, but my mind puts down its foot, no. Why do you want to stop him when to his success and joy he does go?

"His happiness lies not there, but here" cries my heart, But that I realize today, today, as he decides to depart.

His train has left. Now what am I to do?
I wish he were here right now. Saying. "I want you to come too."
And then finally, all my dreams would come true.

XoXo,
Ni.

Trust

I'm sick and tired of you.
Of not knowing what you say is fabricated or true.
You have broken my trust, over and over and over again.
To you, does this all seem just some game?

I loved you with all my heart, blushed each time you looked at me,
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this outcome.
I never thought you'd leave me.

Vacation seemed a lot of fun, but all these mind games piss me off.
Feel like crawling and crying in the dark.
You've hurt me over and over and over again.
To you, does this all seem just some game?

So hard the pain stung me,
I almost refused to believe the truth,
Believed me and you were still 'us', still 'we'.

How could you turn so mean?
What happened to us? To you?
But now you're enjoying with her, while I sit here moping like a fool.

Can't say I'm truly over you, 

Coz I still dream of us, 

I still think there is some good left hidden in you.
But they all tell me, that behind those sardonic grins and masked eyes,
You're still rolling the dice!

XoXo,

Ni.

Nightmare

[I know, I know, I've been ignoring this blog baby of mine for just too long!

Since I am not really in a space of mind to put down my current feelings onto paper as poetry, I'm going to type the poems I've written in the past, I started writing in 8th grade, so it's been 5 years now. Enjoy xx]

NIGHTMARE

(Written on 30/07/2009)

Another end, the stars gleam,
I lie there exhausted, but I can't get a single dream.

I can't escape the pain, Sears through me all night.
I keep trudging on and forward, nothing specific in sight.

His grin used to make my day, made me feel at ease even when I was a screwed up case.
His face haunts me, my palms begin to sweat, fear clearly etched onto my face.

My throat is parched, sweat glistens, my fists harden, pulse quickens.

The pillows are wet each morning, are those my tears? Or sweat? I can't tell,
And I go through the whole thing again, haunted by his deep dark eyes, his strong voice, his crushing hugs,his smell ....

I must've been,umm around 14 when I wrote this. I'm happy =D

XoXo,

Ni.