"Drowning"

" It stops hurting,

When you get used to pain.

You stop feeling,

'cause there is neither loss nor gain.

You forget to smile,

When nightmares are the only thing you remember.

It's been a while,

I feel like my sky is turning grayer.

Too many words,

And so little courage;

I am much more jealous of the birds,

Who aren't inside the cage.

I want to break free,

But this heart is so scared;

I wonder if I'll ever find glee,

And ever be loved and cared.

It's like I'm drowning in my own emotions,

And just fading away from people.

Call it stress, drama or depression,

But, I know that things are just going to be more awful.  "

- Chocolate Lover

( Blogs at 'A Naive Beneath The Stars'. This isn't a guest post, I am just sharing this over here because it is too beautiful, simply put :] )

XoXo,

Ni.

Sometimes ..

Sometimes I wish it wouldn't have happened at all.

Sometimes I wish there had been nothing to jump for.

Sometimes I wish there had been no first call,

that you and I never got attracted, that we'd never fall.

It's not like I enjoy hurting you.

But I just did what I think I had to.

I'm stuck between not caring & feeling horribly guilty.

I don't know ..

XoXo,

Ni.

She's Dying.

[This was my entry post on Darlings Of Venus (DOV). And we can repost on the weekends, so here it is! :D ]

She's tired of the lies she's heard all of them say,

She's lost, she just cannot find a way.

She's seen them all smiling when she was smiling too,

And then they spoke their mean words, turned their backs

When her life was going off the track..

She learnt the hard way, that nothing and nobody are permanent.

That sometimes life gives you a rude shock,

It calls for your tears, your pain, it drives you insane.

But now she knows who will be there for her, and who all wont.

Now she's aware of the sink holes in her life.

Her mood is down in the trash, in the bin,

She's sick of feeling that way within.

She's this close to giving in.

If you know what to do, help her.

Because she is trying, but she knows she is failing. 

She's broken on the inside, and she is dying!

Ignore the English please! :P

I'd written this when I was 13, 4 years ago. Hope you liked it?

XoXo,

Ni.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

" Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die."

Mary Frye, who had never written any poetry, but the plight of a young German Jewish woman, Margaret Schwarzkopf, who was staying with her and her husband, inspired the poem. She wrote it down on a brown paper shopping bag. 

Margaret Schwarzkopf had been concerned about her mother, who was ill in Germany, but she had been warned not to return home because of increasing anti-Semitic unrest. When her mother died, the heartbroken young woman told Frye that she never had the chance to “stand by my mother’s grave and shed a tear”. Frye found herself composing a piece of verse on a brown paper shopping bag. Later she said that the words “just came to her” and expressed what she felt about life and death.

The poem was introduced to many in Britain when it was read by the father of a soldier killed by a bomb in Northern Ireland. The soldier's father read the poem on BBC radio in 1995 in remembrance of his son, having been left it in an envelope addressed 'To all my loved ones' in his personal effects. 

What beauty! Sometimes such people come out of relatively nowhere and remind us why we are called humans. Humane. Creative. Super intelligent.

And the context, the words used, the feelings conveyed in the poem, I don't even have to say anything. 

Gobsmacked.

XoXo,

Ni.

Stay.

Would you stay if I ask you to?

Would you care if I tell you I love you?

Don't leave me hanging in here.

Don't leave me at all.

I need you close to me, need you near ..

Miss the train. Pull me close.

Hug me tight. Kiss my nose.

This is like a continuation to my previous poem 'Goodbye'.

XoXo,

Ni.

P.S : My main blog 'Tales of and by her' completes one year on the 1st of July. Drop by sometime :]

I let them have their way with me..

Helpless, I let them have their way with me.. My heart bursts in pain.

My fists are clenched. Trying but I cannot stop them.

Moistening my cheeks, burning me on their way down.

Tears.

XoXo,

Ni.

Do It My Way.

I am not going to give up, because I still want to try.
I'm not going to wipe my face, and fake a laugh when I still want to cry.
I am not going to say yes,I understand, when I simply don't.
I am not going to tell you I will do it, when I know I wont.

I am not going to say I got it, when I still want to know.

I am not going to lie, and say that I don't cry.
I'm not going to say I don't care, and be unfair.
I'm not going to scream and then ask you to keep it low.
And I'm never going to say that I'm over someone, when I can't let them go...

XoXo,

Ni.

I'd Rather Die.

[This is a poem I'd written reading some book,I don't remember now,but yeah. Enjoy!]

You said that you had had enough, and that you couldn't stand any more drama.
Basically, any of my stuff.
I realized it quite late, that you were out there, waiting in the rain, and now I'm swept with guilt.
I'm going insane.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

I thought you were too serious, Didn't realize I was seeing it through my extremely sheltered eyes.
Now I understand that you were just being cautious and wise.
You taught me to be responsible, while all I did was accuse you of being drab and dull.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

And now I can't sleep, I'm brimming with self hatred and regret.
And I am afraid you're going to forget.
Please don't do that to me?
I want need you back, the old us, the old we.
So I'm sending you a letter, with my heart in.
Please look beyond the mess that is me, understand what's within.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

Yes,I'd rather die, than hear you say this.
So come on over and prove it wrong.
Sometimes things do work out, with a magical kiss.

I'm no longer the child, that I was before.
I know you were the reason my career rose and soar.
So just tell me quick, that you forgive me.
Because I'd rather die, than hear, that we aren't meant to be, just aren't meant to be...

XoXo,

Ni.

I Give Up.

I've come such a long way.. And I'm giving it all up today.

They said that I wasted time crying on him.
They may be right, they may be wrong.
All I know is I'm no longer that strong,
To take heartbreak over & over again, Coz I'm already going insane.

I don't know why I suddenly feel this way,
But I just am giving it all up today.

I can't keep daydreaming all the time,
Thinking of one day when I'll call you mine.
Because I already have so many things to worry about,
Such a mess, I want to shout!

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this way,
But I am giving it all up today.
I'm just putting all thoughts of you and us, away.

In the start, I dreamt a lot about you.
And I kept wishing all that would come true.
But now that I know it wont,
I'm giving it all up today.

XoXo,

Ni.

Reminiscing ~

(Just a little something I wrote while playing Innocence by Taylor Swift on loop. Heavily Inspired)

Baby Me :')

Wasn't it better when the hardest thing to do was to recite ABC?

When only the good in you, people used to see?

 Somewhere down the road, you've sold your innocence,

You've grown wary,

Now a days, suspicion and cynicism is all you sense.

Wasn't it easier when the hardest thing to do was tie your shoelaces?

When you'd be always surrounded by smiling, beaming faces? You had faith in everyone and everything,

People truly believed in you,

You felt good, you knew you could be and do anything.
Wasn't it better when the hardest thing to do was to drink milk without spilling a lot?
When 'let-me-play-for-longer' was the only thing for which you fought?
You were put to bed early at night, you slept peacefully, without a care of the world,
When you giggled and found immense joy when your daddy picked you up in his arms and swirled!
Wasn't it easier when all you needed to learn was that 1 was followed is 2?

When all your general knowledge contained was that dogs bark, and cows moo?
You could crawl into a huge bed, parents tucked you in, kissing you goodnight,

You didn't know about evil, your world was purely white.
Wasn't it better when you only cried for more food or because of a scraped knee?
When your schedule and to-do contained only eat, sleep and pee? (xDDD)

x----------x 

" Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days? Always a bigger bed to crawl into.

Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, And everybody believed in you? 

Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days? When everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you. Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep

Before the monsters caught up to you? " - Taylor

XoXo,
N.

She's My Love

She's My Love

(21/4/2010) 

Her mahogany glossy curly, They arouse me in every way.

Love the way she molds her body against mine, day after day.

Her eyes twinkle in mischief, and I wonder what is up,

She curls up beside me, with her caffeine cup.

Her collarbone entices me, intoxicating, like her.

I've never felt such adoration and attraction towards anyone, ever.

When we're drinking wine, and it starts to reach her head,

A pink flush spreads on her face.

It is so much fun to spend time with her then,

Even though she doesn't remember what she says.

Together for ever and after, We took vows,

Our fairytale has just started now.

We'll grow old together, the way we're meant to be,

With sticks in hand, still enjoying, walking near the sea.

XoXo,
Ni.

Goodbye.

The tear in that eye as you say goodbye, makes me wonder why, why for you do I cry?

Those times we spent together, we spoke such a lot,
Those were the times we teased each other, we had a blast, we also fought.

We were together for such a long time, we expressed everything that we wanted to say,
Then why, why do I feel something is unsaid, today as you go your own way?

Why do I feel so much pain if you mean nothing to me? Why when you turn to walk away, I can't bear to see?
Why is it only today, that I realize how much you mean? What did I see in those eyes today, that I have never before seen?

"Please don't go!" cries my heart, but my mind puts down its foot, no. Why do you want to stop him when to his success and joy he does go?

"His happiness lies not there, but here" cries my heart, But that I realize today, today, as he decides to depart.

His train has left. Now what am I to do?
I wish he were here right now. Saying. "I want you to come too."
And then finally, all my dreams would come true.

XoXo,
Ni.

Trust

I'm sick and tired of you.
Of not knowing what you say is fabricated or true.
You have broken my trust, over and over and over again.
To you, does this all seem just some game?

I loved you with all my heart, blushed each time you looked at me,
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this outcome.
I never thought you'd leave me.

Vacation seemed a lot of fun, but all these mind games piss me off.
Feel like crawling and crying in the dark.
You've hurt me over and over and over again.
To you, does this all seem just some game?

So hard the pain stung me,
I almost refused to believe the truth,
Believed me and you were still 'us', still 'we'.

How could you turn so mean?
What happened to us? To you?
But now you're enjoying with her, while I sit here moping like a fool.

Can't say I'm truly over you, 

Coz I still dream of us, 

I still think there is some good left hidden in you.
But they all tell me, that behind those sardonic grins and masked eyes,
You're still rolling the dice!

XoXo,

Ni.