Sometimes ..

Sometimes I wish it wouldn't have happened at all.

Sometimes I wish there had been nothing to jump for.

Sometimes I wish there had been no first call,

that you and I never got attracted, that we'd never fall.

It's not like I enjoy hurting you.

But I just did what I think I had to.

I'm stuck between not caring & feeling horribly guilty.

I don't know ..

XoXo,

Ni.

She's Dying.

[This was my entry post on Darlings Of Venus (DOV). And we can repost on the weekends, so here it is! :D ]

She's tired of the lies she's heard all of them say,

She's lost, she just cannot find a way.

She's seen them all smiling when she was smiling too,

And then they spoke their mean words, turned their backs

When her life was going off the track..

She learnt the hard way, that nothing and nobody are permanent.

That sometimes life gives you a rude shock,

It calls for your tears, your pain, it drives you insane.

But now she knows who will be there for her, and who all wont.

Now she's aware of the sink holes in her life.

Her mood is down in the trash, in the bin,

She's sick of feeling that way within.

She's this close to giving in.

If you know what to do, help her.

Because she is trying, but she knows she is failing. 

She's broken on the inside, and she is dying!

Ignore the English please! :P

I'd written this when I was 13, 4 years ago. Hope you liked it?

XoXo,

Ni.

You Were My Friend.

Once a friend, our talks knew no end,

Now even a forward, I hesitate to send.

You preach to me, who gives you the right?
We spoke after months, and all you do is fight!

Your harsh words, they cut at me. I am but myself, how I've always been.
I don't know why you can't see ..

You asked me, I opened up to you, 

I told what was happening, real, true.
But you went and judged me for that?

Judged me for being upset?

It's not like I was sulking over some candy that I didn't get.

You didn't have to see yet another grandparent wither away right in front of you,

If you saw and did all that I did,

You too, would try and cover it with a lid.

Telling people you know what they're going through, 

Telling them what to do instead, is easy too!

All I needed was you to listen to me, to comfort me.
All I needed was for you to be a good friend, to just BE THERE for me.
Sigh.

You were my friend .. Or were you ever?

XoXo,

Ni.

Stay.

Would you stay if I ask you to?

Would you care if I tell you I love you?

Don't leave me hanging in here.

Don't leave me at all.

I need you close to me, need you near ..

Miss the train. Pull me close.

Hug me tight. Kiss my nose.

This is like a continuation to my previous poem 'Goodbye'.

XoXo,

Ni.

P.S : My main blog 'Tales of and by her' completes one year on the 1st of July. Drop by sometime :]

I let them have their way with me..

Helpless, I let them have their way with me.. My heart bursts in pain.

My fists are clenched. Trying but I cannot stop them.

Moistening my cheeks, burning me on their way down.

Tears.

XoXo,

Ni.

Do It My Way.

I am not going to give up, because I still want to try.
I'm not going to wipe my face, and fake a laugh when I still want to cry.
I am not going to say yes,I understand, when I simply don't.
I am not going to tell you I will do it, when I know I wont.

I am not going to say I got it, when I still want to know.

I am not going to lie, and say that I don't cry.
I'm not going to say I don't care, and be unfair.
I'm not going to scream and then ask you to keep it low.
And I'm never going to say that I'm over someone, when I can't let them go...

XoXo,

Ni.

I'd Rather Die.

[This is a poem I'd written reading some book,I don't remember now,but yeah. Enjoy!]

You said that you had had enough, and that you couldn't stand any more drama.
Basically, any of my stuff.
I realized it quite late, that you were out there, waiting in the rain, and now I'm swept with guilt.
I'm going insane.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

I thought you were too serious, Didn't realize I was seeing it through my extremely sheltered eyes.
Now I understand that you were just being cautious and wise.
You taught me to be responsible, while all I did was accuse you of being drab and dull.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

And now I can't sleep, I'm brimming with self hatred and regret.
And I am afraid you're going to forget.
Please don't do that to me?
I want need you back, the old us, the old we.
So I'm sending you a letter, with my heart in.
Please look beyond the mess that is me, understand what's within.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

Yes,I'd rather die, than hear you say this.
So come on over and prove it wrong.
Sometimes things do work out, with a magical kiss.

I'm no longer the child, that I was before.
I know you were the reason my career rose and soar.
So just tell me quick, that you forgive me.
Because I'd rather die, than hear, that we aren't meant to be, just aren't meant to be...

XoXo,

Ni.

I Give Up.

I've come such a long way.. And I'm giving it all up today.

They said that I wasted time crying on him.
They may be right, they may be wrong.
All I know is I'm no longer that strong,
To take heartbreak over & over again, Coz I'm already going insane.

I don't know why I suddenly feel this way,
But I just am giving it all up today.

I can't keep daydreaming all the time,
Thinking of one day when I'll call you mine.
Because I already have so many things to worry about,
Such a mess, I want to shout!

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this way,
But I am giving it all up today.
I'm just putting all thoughts of you and us, away.

In the start, I dreamt a lot about you.
And I kept wishing all that would come true.
But now that I know it wont,
I'm giving it all up today.

XoXo,

Ni.

She's My Love

She's My Love

(21/4/2010) 

Her mahogany glossy curly, They arouse me in every way.

Love the way she molds her body against mine, day after day.

Her eyes twinkle in mischief, and I wonder what is up,

She curls up beside me, with her caffeine cup.

Her collarbone entices me, intoxicating, like her.

I've never felt such adoration and attraction towards anyone, ever.

When we're drinking wine, and it starts to reach her head,

A pink flush spreads on her face.

It is so much fun to spend time with her then,

Even though she doesn't remember what she says.

Together for ever and after, We took vows,

Our fairytale has just started now.

We'll grow old together, the way we're meant to be,

With sticks in hand, still enjoying, walking near the sea.

XoXo,
Ni.

Goodbye.

The tear in that eye as you say goodbye, makes me wonder why, why for you do I cry?

Those times we spent together, we spoke such a lot,
Those were the times we teased each other, we had a blast, we also fought.

We were together for such a long time, we expressed everything that we wanted to say,
Then why, why do I feel something is unsaid, today as you go your own way?

Why do I feel so much pain if you mean nothing to me? Why when you turn to walk away, I can't bear to see?
Why is it only today, that I realize how much you mean? What did I see in those eyes today, that I have never before seen?

"Please don't go!" cries my heart, but my mind puts down its foot, no. Why do you want to stop him when to his success and joy he does go?

"His happiness lies not there, but here" cries my heart, But that I realize today, today, as he decides to depart.

His train has left. Now what am I to do?
I wish he were here right now. Saying. "I want you to come too."
And then finally, all my dreams would come true.

XoXo,
Ni.

Trust

I'm sick and tired of you.
Of not knowing what you say is fabricated or true.
You have broken my trust, over and over and over again.
To you, does this all seem just some game?

I loved you with all my heart, blushed each time you looked at me,
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this outcome.
I never thought you'd leave me.

Vacation seemed a lot of fun, but all these mind games piss me off.
Feel like crawling and crying in the dark.
You've hurt me over and over and over again.
To you, does this all seem just some game?

So hard the pain stung me,
I almost refused to believe the truth,
Believed me and you were still 'us', still 'we'.

How could you turn so mean?
What happened to us? To you?
But now you're enjoying with her, while I sit here moping like a fool.

Can't say I'm truly over you, 

Coz I still dream of us, 

I still think there is some good left hidden in you.
But they all tell me, that behind those sardonic grins and masked eyes,
You're still rolling the dice!

XoXo,

Ni.

I'm Losing You!

I'M LOSING YOU!

 

Every single time you behave this way,
You leave me with nothing to say.
Now the good memories have been reduced to just a few,
I feel like I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

I love you and I know you do, too.
Then what' got you acting the way you are?
It's like yesterday you were with me, now you've gone away someplace far.
I feel like I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

The misunderstandings, they keep piling up.
I say something, you misinterpret and take it to your heart,
Suddenly we have begun to drift apart.
I feel like I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

Do you not love me anymore? Are you starting to hate me and all that I do?
You've got me so confused, Just tell me what is going on!

I'm searching for answers, but you won't reply,
Tell me the truth. Was this whole thing a lie?
Coz I believe you, when you say you love me, I know it's true.
So why are you acting this way?
You leave me with nothing to say.
I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

XoXo,

Ni.

Infatuation ??

INFATUATION

I'm sitting by the sill,
I'm trying to get this one sum right,
I'm trying so hard but still ..

Your mesmerizing eyes, your smile,
You've got me so distracted, I almost dropped my file!

I am trying to study, but you've made it so impossible for me to concentrate.

Takes me double the time to do work, coz I'm thinking of you, staying up till late.

Boy, is this just infatuation?
I love you so much. Do you need a demonstration?
Do I have your confirmation?

Maybe you're right, but I think you're wrong.
Just so you know, you're the one who keeps me going.
The one who is helping me stay strong.

Boy, is this just infatuation?
I love you so much. Do you need a demonstration?
Do I have your confirmation?

XoXo,

Ni.

That Girl

I'm that girl with the loudest laugh, sometimes it is embarrassing,

When I'm deliriously happy, I randomly start to sing.

The one who looks at all her pretty friends and feels inadequate.

I'm that girl who looks at the mirror trying to find something worth being happy about,

who silently cries, breaks down when you shout.

I'm that girl who won't question your intentions,

who'll keep trusting you, unaware that you were in only for fun.

I'm that girl who may build opinions pretty fast,  but I never hesitate to change them.

I'm that girl, awkward, sitting alone,

The one, while you all are already interacting,  is staring blankly at her phone.

 I'm that girl who really wants to tell you how she feels,

Who is scared those feelings may somehow hurt you, so she keeps her lips sealed.

I'm that girl who listens to songs and writes down stuff to avoid goin crazy,

Who maintains a diary, doesn't want those good memories to turn hazy.

I'm that girl who gets goosebumps, smiles and cries her heart out listen to a T.Swift song,

Because her songs say what I'd want to say,

In the best possible way.

I'm all this. And much much, much more!! Sometimes a bore. Even an eye-sore.

I'm that girl.

P.S : I had written this in a state of crying+pissed. But then you know what they say about crying, anger and truth ;)

XoXo,

N.