Sometimes ..

Sometimes I wish it wouldn't have happened at all.

Sometimes I wish there had been nothing to jump for.

Sometimes I wish there had been no first call,

that you and I never got attracted, that we'd never fall.

It's not like I enjoy hurting you.

But I just did what I think I had to.

I'm stuck between not caring & feeling horribly guilty.

I don't know ..

XoXo,

Ni.

She's Dying.

[This was my entry post on Darlings Of Venus (DOV). And we can repost on the weekends, so here it is! :D ]

She's tired of the lies she's heard all of them say,

She's lost, she just cannot find a way.

She's seen them all smiling when she was smiling too,

And then they spoke their mean words, turned their backs

When her life was going off the track..

She learnt the hard way, that nothing and nobody are permanent.

That sometimes life gives you a rude shock,

It calls for your tears, your pain, it drives you insane.

But now she knows who will be there for her, and who all wont.

Now she's aware of the sink holes in her life.

Her mood is down in the trash, in the bin,

She's sick of feeling that way within.

She's this close to giving in.

If you know what to do, help her.

Because she is trying, but she knows she is failing. 

She's broken on the inside, and she is dying!

Ignore the English please! :P

I'd written this when I was 13, 4 years ago. Hope you liked it?

XoXo,

Ni.

You Were My Friend.

Once a friend, our talks knew no end,

Now even a forward, I hesitate to send.

You preach to me, who gives you the right?
We spoke after months, and all you do is fight!

Your harsh words, they cut at me. I am but myself, how I've always been.
I don't know why you can't see ..

You asked me, I opened up to you, 

I told what was happening, real, true.
But you went and judged me for that?

Judged me for being upset?

It's not like I was sulking over some candy that I didn't get.

You didn't have to see yet another grandparent wither away right in front of you,

If you saw and did all that I did,

You too, would try and cover it with a lid.

Telling people you know what they're going through, 

Telling them what to do instead, is easy too!

All I needed was you to listen to me, to comfort me.
All I needed was for you to be a good friend, to just BE THERE for me.
Sigh.

You were my friend .. Or were you ever?

XoXo,

Ni.

I'd Rather Die.

[This is a poem I'd written reading some book,I don't remember now,but yeah. Enjoy!]

You said that you had had enough, and that you couldn't stand any more drama.
Basically, any of my stuff.
I realized it quite late, that you were out there, waiting in the rain, and now I'm swept with guilt.
I'm going insane.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

I thought you were too serious, Didn't realize I was seeing it through my extremely sheltered eyes.
Now I understand that you were just being cautious and wise.
You taught me to be responsible, while all I did was accuse you of being drab and dull.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

And now I can't sleep, I'm brimming with self hatred and regret.
And I am afraid you're going to forget.
Please don't do that to me?
I want need you back, the old us, the old we.
So I'm sending you a letter, with my heart in.
Please look beyond the mess that is me, understand what's within.

Tell me you're going to give me a do-over. Tell me you're going to forgive me.
Coz I'd rather die, than hear that we weren't just meant to be.

Yes,I'd rather die, than hear you say this.
So come on over and prove it wrong.
Sometimes things do work out, with a magical kiss.

I'm no longer the child, that I was before.
I know you were the reason my career rose and soar.
So just tell me quick, that you forgive me.
Because I'd rather die, than hear, that we aren't meant to be, just aren't meant to be...

XoXo,

Ni.

I'm Losing You!

I'M LOSING YOU!

 

Every single time you behave this way,
You leave me with nothing to say.
Now the good memories have been reduced to just a few,
I feel like I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

I love you and I know you do, too.
Then what' got you acting the way you are?
It's like yesterday you were with me, now you've gone away someplace far.
I feel like I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

The misunderstandings, they keep piling up.
I say something, you misinterpret and take it to your heart,
Suddenly we have begun to drift apart.
I feel like I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

Do you not love me anymore? Are you starting to hate me and all that I do?
You've got me so confused, Just tell me what is going on!

I'm searching for answers, but you won't reply,
Tell me the truth. Was this whole thing a lie?
Coz I believe you, when you say you love me, I know it's true.
So why are you acting this way?
You leave me with nothing to say.
I'm losing you .. And I don't want to!

XoXo,

Ni.

That Girl

I'm that girl with the loudest laugh, sometimes it is embarrassing,

When I'm deliriously happy, I randomly start to sing.

The one who looks at all her pretty friends and feels inadequate.

I'm that girl who looks at the mirror trying to find something worth being happy about,

who silently cries, breaks down when you shout.

I'm that girl who won't question your intentions,

who'll keep trusting you, unaware that you were in only for fun.

I'm that girl who may build opinions pretty fast,  but I never hesitate to change them.

I'm that girl, awkward, sitting alone,

The one, while you all are already interacting,  is staring blankly at her phone.

 I'm that girl who really wants to tell you how she feels,

Who is scared those feelings may somehow hurt you, so she keeps her lips sealed.

I'm that girl who listens to songs and writes down stuff to avoid goin crazy,

Who maintains a diary, doesn't want those good memories to turn hazy.

I'm that girl who gets goosebumps, smiles and cries her heart out listen to a T.Swift song,

Because her songs say what I'd want to say,

In the best possible way.

I'm all this. And much much, much more!! Sometimes a bore. Even an eye-sore.

I'm that girl.

P.S : I had written this in a state of crying+pissed. But then you know what they say about crying, anger and truth ;)

XoXo,

N.

I am not perfect. But I never claim to be either!

I am not perfect. I never claim to be.

I am never fake. I am always me.

I know how I look, I know how I walk,

I know how sometimes I blurt out uncomfortable truths when I talk.

I know I am not always cheerful, sometimes I feel so sad,

I am not an angel, even I do stuff that's bad.

Sometimes I fail, I break down too,

Sometimes even I need you!

I am just human. I too, do fall,

Trying to climb over this huge wall.

I am confused, I don't know where I am going,

I am moody, don't know what I say,

I am a litter bitter, though I don't want to be this way.

I say things that are mean, I may come off as rude.

Some call me a drama queen, some say I am too prude.

Who are you to judge me? You don't know what I go through.

Yes,I may not be an orphan or something that bad,

But I have my problems too.

I am not perfect. But atleast I never claim to be!

XoXo,

N.