You Were My Friend.

Once a friend, our talks knew no end,

Now even a forward, I hesitate to send.

You preach to me, who gives you the right?
We spoke after months, and all you do is fight!

Your harsh words, they cut at me. I am but myself, how I've always been.
I don't know why you can't see ..

You asked me, I opened up to you, 

I told what was happening, real, true.
But you went and judged me for that?

Judged me for being upset?

It's not like I was sulking over some candy that I didn't get.

You didn't have to see yet another grandparent wither away right in front of you,

If you saw and did all that I did,

You too, would try and cover it with a lid.

Telling people you know what they're going through, 

Telling them what to do instead, is easy too!

All I needed was you to listen to me, to comfort me.
All I needed was for you to be a good friend, to just BE THERE for me.
Sigh.

You were my friend .. Or were you ever?

XoXo,

Ni.

Goodbye.

The tear in that eye as you say goodbye, makes me wonder why, why for you do I cry?

Those times we spent together, we spoke such a lot,
Those were the times we teased each other, we had a blast, we also fought.

We were together for such a long time, we expressed everything that we wanted to say,
Then why, why do I feel something is unsaid, today as you go your own way?

Why do I feel so much pain if you mean nothing to me? Why when you turn to walk away, I can't bear to see?
Why is it only today, that I realize how much you mean? What did I see in those eyes today, that I have never before seen?

"Please don't go!" cries my heart, but my mind puts down its foot, no. Why do you want to stop him when to his success and joy he does go?

"His happiness lies not there, but here" cries my heart, But that I realize today, today, as he decides to depart.

His train has left. Now what am I to do?
I wish he were here right now. Saying. "I want you to come too."
And then finally, all my dreams would come true.

XoXo,
Ni.

That Girl

I'm that girl with the loudest laugh, sometimes it is embarrassing,

When I'm deliriously happy, I randomly start to sing.

The one who looks at all her pretty friends and feels inadequate.

I'm that girl who looks at the mirror trying to find something worth being happy about,

who silently cries, breaks down when you shout.

I'm that girl who won't question your intentions,

who'll keep trusting you, unaware that you were in only for fun.

I'm that girl who may build opinions pretty fast,  but I never hesitate to change them.

I'm that girl, awkward, sitting alone,

The one, while you all are already interacting,  is staring blankly at her phone.

 I'm that girl who really wants to tell you how she feels,

Who is scared those feelings may somehow hurt you, so she keeps her lips sealed.

I'm that girl who listens to songs and writes down stuff to avoid goin crazy,

Who maintains a diary, doesn't want those good memories to turn hazy.

I'm that girl who gets goosebumps, smiles and cries her heart out listen to a T.Swift song,

Because her songs say what I'd want to say,

In the best possible way.

I'm all this. And much much, much more!! Sometimes a bore. Even an eye-sore.

I'm that girl.

P.S : I had written this in a state of crying+pissed. But then you know what they say about crying, anger and truth ;)

XoXo,

N.